The Random Musings of an ADHD Child
by randomgenius
Summary: Do you really think a summer camp full of ADHD children with pointy objects would be so serious?
1. It Makes Sense To Me!

**9/21/12 Nggh... just updated this, what, three years later? and I'm just... gah. I don't even know. :(**

I slipped out of the Hermes cabin silently, navigating the creaky boards and sleeping lumps with an ease born of years of practice. It wasn't really all that hard, though; their dad may be the god of thieves, but the Hermes kids sleep like logs. I quickly scaled the old oak by the cabin, dropped lightly on the roof whilst avoiding the loose shingles, and generally being a total ninja.

I wonder what that would be like, as a ninja. It would be _fantastically_ epic, yes, but strong and silent is _so_ not me. I mean, no talking? At _all_?! Who _does_ that?!

That would be totally awesome, though; all ninja black and "I have come to defend the honor of my ancestors! Surrender, or face the wrath of my righteous power!" Oh, yes. I can see it now.

Right, so... yeah. Wait, was I supposed to say?

It was something important...

Corn? No.

Socks? No.

In- insight? Inception?

Introduction!

YES! MIND SKILLS OF AWESOMENESS!

Oh, hey, that kind of looks like a butterfly...

What was I...

Oh, right. My name is Sylviana (no, I don't know what my mom was thinking, so don't even ask), but I only respond to Sylvie. I'm an unclaimed, have been for years, but the Hermes cabin has practically adopted me, so I'm cool.

I even have my own bed. That's how much they love me.

Now, moving along.

I gazed at the stars, twinkling in the sky. Well, not so much twinkle, just flicker. Trust me, it doesn't look like twinkling. Ya know, all that 'Twinkle, twinkle, little star…' (LIES), where as it's more like someone spilled little specks of light on a blue carpet.

Yes, I know it's practically the same thing.

It makes sense to me, and that's all that matters.

Of course, it's not like the sky's very blue, here. The light pollution from New York makes it impossible to see all but the brightest stars.

Poor satyrs. This is probably why they are all crazier then fruitcake.

Can you imagine how much electricity New York must take up? I mean, it's lights _never go off_. I'm telling you, there are _not_ enough hamster/hamster wheels in this world to produce that amount of energy.

Speaking of hamsters, earlier this week we saw a giant hamster. Now, I don't mean a pig-sized hamster, I mean a _gigantanormously huge_ hamster, one the size of the Nemean lion. Like, a _giant's_ pet hamster.

Those Greeks must have had some crazy times.

Well, some kids got a quest to go after it, and I was (of course) left out. Something about Chiron not trusting me to run around unsupervised with money and pointy objects.

Pssh.

I mean, I know there's like, eighty something campers here at Camp Halfblood, but personally, I think I'm the one best suited for the job of giant hamster hunting.

Now, giant squirrels, on the other hand…

Once, before I came to (read: was kidnapped and dumped at) Camp Halfblood, I was touring the Grand Canyon (just for funsies). The squirrels there are FAT. Like, little squirrel bowling balls. I still have a picture of a squirrel in a baby carriage, eating all the snacks. That thing weighed like, twenty pounds! Seriously, how- I was broken from my thoughts by a creak below.

_Ninja __warrior powers, activate!_

I crawled to the edge of the roof and spotted a dark figure preparing to climb the same oak tree I had.

_The samurai approaches the ninja warrior, knife gleaming in the moonlight, unaware that the ninja had already sensed his presence..._

"Who's there?" called the figure.

Huh. I suppose I said that out loud.

Note to self: I have _got_ to learn to monologue internally.

"A fat magical pink squirrel with wings," I called out softly. "I've come to take you to the land of the corn people." That's the thing with us ADHD kids. We seem random, but it all connects in our brain. You just can't keep up.

...

It makes sense, ok?!

"Hey, Sylvie," said the faux-samurai, revealed to be Travis, as it slid next to me. "I didn't know you were up here."

"And I didn't know you were awake. I noticed you weren't snoring loud enough to rattle the windows, and thought finally one of your siblings had done us all a favor and duct-taped you." Forget Thalia's tree, Travis' snore alone was enough to drive the monsters away.

Not even kidding.

"Nah, those kiddies couldn't best the master. They know that if they pranked me, I'd hunt them down. And when I caught them…" he cackled dramatically. I rolled my eyes and patted him on the arm, because it's always best to humor Travis. We sat there for a while, until it started getting grey and my insomnia passed.

When I walked into the cabin, I heard the soft crunch of someone walking by.

Seriously, what is up with all these kids running around? There are Harpies! Patrolling! They eat people (like me)!

Then I frowned, because I realized Travis was still on the roof, and I was on the ground, and that meant that someone was coming my way. Like, say, a hungry Harpy.

Which would eat people... such as me (again. Hey, it's a long story, okay?).

Rightfully scared of the Harpies trying to eat me (again), I darted inside and peered out the door.

_At which point she learns that it's just Nico, being the crazy kid he was, out for a morning stroll._


	2. BWAHAHA!

_Ugh. You think in a camp like this I'd get five minutes to myself. But, no. Everyone was _so excited_ for me. Honestly, people. Yes, I'm alive. Yay! Sylvie, the now recognized daughter of He-Who-Is-A-Great-Jerk-And-Shall-Not-Be-Named, managed to survive! Wow, that was long. All well. Better than saying HIS name. I mean, who does he think he is, announcing that he's my father after TWO years of camp, then six on the run. Come on, you great git. Think some before announcing it in front of all Olympus. Heh. Git. That's a funny word… no! You're ranting, Sylviana Langret. Keep on track. Ok, so… oh, yeah. Well the __unnamed__ father just stands up as soon as Percy bullies them into going through the _great trouble _of_ _acknowledging their _own children_, and open his mouth with this dumb smile on his face a goes all, "Well, I guess I'll go first. I'd like to recognize a daughter of mine who fought valiantly throughout the entire battle. I think she's proven to us all that she's more than what meets the eye. Ladies and Gentleman, my daughter, Sylvie Langret!" _

_Gah! They need to get over their god-sized egos. See what I did there? With the word play and… yeah. I'm not very good at this whole ranting thing_.

I blew the hair out my eyes with a huff. It'd reverted to it's flaxen gold after a while of not having money to dye it black. Now I looked like some stupid princess_. Not even a cool one, like Mulan. No. I'm like, Rapunzel. She practically invented the whole 'help, I'm a girl stuck in a tower. Please help me, you big strong man, you.' Grr… I am a bona-fide, kick-butt warrior. NOT a princess. Maybe a warrior princess, though. That'd be kinda cool. I'd be all 'Fwa, ha! I laugh at your pitiful moves! Ha! Hahaha! BWAHAHAHA!' Yes. Note to self: put warrior princess on agenda for next week. Probably after the lemon llama race. But before the jelly tree competition of course. Styx, now I'm hungry_.

I stiffen as I hear a noise behind me. _If it's ANOTHER well-wisher, then I swear that I will go crazy kung-fu warrior princess on them. If it's a simpering nymph trying to hook up with my dad, then doubly so (the nymphs and I had a little disagreement on portion size pertaining to meat, and now we don't really get along. Such a pity… not.)_ I turn my head ever so slightly. "You have five before I summon my mutant goldfishes to eat your eyebrows. _Five_…"

I hear a boy laughing behind me. Not the hammers-and-bells, masculine, yet beautiful laugh of a certain male god, but real laughter_._ I sigh, annoyed. Trevor.

"Well, that's a new threat. Why haven't I heard it before?" _Stupid smart alek._ I give him my most evil glare (Imagine the stink-eye of a recently awoken cat) as he plops down next to me. "So, am I correct in assuming that the reason you are currently sitting on a cliff muttering to yourself has something to do with a certain god that holds a paternal relation to you?" _Four._

I look down in faint surprise. _Huh. How'd __I __get here. No matter_. "Look at you! You used big words! Annabeth would be so proud. We should document the moment! I'll go get the midget from Hephaestus." I suddenly tackle him, then prepare to dash while he's still stunned. _DANGIT! He got my leg_. _Hmph._ "Yes?" _Come on, Billium. Fresh meat_… _Three._

"I'm not going to let you go bully some poor camper into documenting my awesomeness. It just wouldn't be enough." Trevor smirked. _Well well, look who got a big head._

"Well, well. Look who got a big head." I shot back. _Hmph. That's fun to say. Humph, humph, humph_. _Two._

"Sylvie… Sylvie?" Trevor waves his hand in front of my face.

"Wha?" _Smart Sylvie. Real smart. BILLIUM! Where is that lazy goldfish? Honestly, you'd think that he'd be a little faster to his first mission. _Fwoosh_. Oh. There he is_. _One._

"Sylvie…"

"Yeah?"

"What is that?"

"Oh, him? That's just Billium, my new goldfish." _And your worst nightmare. (BWAHAHAHA!)_

"Sylvie?"

"Yeah?"

"Why is he… growling at me?"

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

"SYLVIE!"

"BWAHAHAHA!" _Zero._

_At which point Sylvie runs into the woods, laughing maniacally, leaving Trevor to Billium's tender mercies._


	3. FPFS

So, here's another chapter! I was honestly not going to write another one (This was originally a one shot), but some sweet people actually found this pitiful piece worth their time. The Amazing Jhuikmn08 and sevandfred4ever the Great actually favorited this, so I pulled some strings and got you free tickets to the cherry llama races! Darling daughterofposeidon99 and TheJazzyDolphin added this to their alerts, so carrot yaks to you! I'm highly doubting anyone read this far (I wouldn't) but if you, dedicated reader, did, here's a spoiler: the next chapter will be in someone else's POV. Watch your hamsters and enjoy the chapter!

* * *

I hate nights like these. Where the very _air_ is still, as if the entire world is inhaling for a sneeze. I mean, get on with it! Stupid immortals, always so dramatic. Like their mother, the Unimother. See, yesterday I nearly said THE FORBIDDEN NAME (Gaea) and Chiron spazzed out at me. Some meatloaf about how 'names have power', and 'These are bad times to use the name of Mother Earth so casually, Sylviana.' Honestly, I do not give a panda about his whole 'respect' spiel, so I was watching a pretty little butterfly outside, floating around some camper's head. That is, until a fat pink flying squirrel swooped in and landed on said camper's head, ate the butterfly, and disappeared with the camper. I was about to comment on this to Chiron (Who was still ranting at me), but then I remembered the saying about the FPFS: See all, Hear all, Know all. I gulped and left the Big House and Chiron mid-rant. He forgot about it though. His spaz attack when he saw me was nothing compared to the near heart attack he had when some new camper came. He was all "You shouldn't be here," blah, blah, blah, omens, mysterious portents, DOOM! Centaur/Titans. Hmph. Think they know everything. Wait, where was I afore the Chiron bit? Oh, yeah, the Dramatic Immortals. Do you know how cool it'd be if we all ganged up on them and made them a theatre group? They'd be perfect for the part. Picky grandma who tried to make peace, failed, and messed everything up. The rivalry between the Titans and Gods, the whole incest thing… (Which, frankly, grosses me out. I mean, ew?) The passion, the danger, the DRAMA! SQUEE!

I'd been so caught up in my thoughts I hadn't noticed Trevor as he slid into place beside me. I think he felt it to. The whatever it was on the air. Who could sleep in such tenseness? I mean, besides the Hermes cabin, of course. They could sleep through just about ANYTHING (besides breakfast).

"So, did you hear about Drew?" Trevor asked. Hmm… Drew. Did I know a Drew? The name sounded familiar, but in an annoying way. An annoying person, I guess, if the name elicited such annoyance from me.

"Drew?"

"Yeah, you know, Drew, the head counsler of the Aphrodite cabin?" Oh, that Drew. Ew. I did NOT like that girl. However, rest assured, the feeling was mutual. She was the first of my well-wishers after a certain god had announced his relation to me (I had forgiven him. Kinda.) Anyways, she had practically pushed me off Olympus itself, all 'OMG, congrats, girlie!' and 'You should, like, totally come to Aphrodite cabin for a makeover! You need one, like, stat.' I was all 'Back off, or Billium, my pet mutant goldfish will eat your eyebrows! Yeah, I went there. So back off!' Then she gave me a weird look and left.

"Oh, you mean Creeper the Carrot. Ew. What happened to her? Pluck one too many eyebrows and finally lose all her hair? For good this time?" Last time, well… the label had said it was PERMANENT hair remover… THEY WERE LYING!

"Nah, she went missing yesterday. No one saw her being taken. And all that was found where she was last seen were little bits of corn."

I made no comment, but hummed a cheery tune as I stared up at the sky, grinning. Trevor eyed me warily, but knew better than to ask. I would just confuse him with the truth. Boys.

_FPFS: See all, Hear all, Know all._

* * *

Before you amazing people go off to do whatever amazing people do, I have a disclaimer: These were mostly written late at night on large amounts of sugar. I am slightly less crazy in real life. But only by a bit.


	4. Oh, Jason

**Hello, not so lovely readers. I'm pissed at you. Why? BECAUSE I HAD TWENTY THREE FRICKIN HITS, THAT'S WHY! (_If you're new to this story, skip my__ ranting._)I****n the course of what, SIX MONTHS, I got TWENTY THREE HITS? Now, I'm not one of those needy writers who demands praise constantly. But, I'd love to know if it's actually worth my time to write this stuff. I have pride, ya know. I'm pretty sure that the _Spin-the-bottle _fics get more attention. Come _on, _fanfiction! AND IF I GET ANOTHER 3 HITS IN THE FIRST WEEK LIKE LAST TIME, SO HELP ME THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL _NOT _BE ABOUT FPFS! On a lighter note, some of you guys asked me six months ago if FPFS stands for Fat Pink Flying Squirrels. It does. Also, I kinda don't like the Son of Poseidon stuff, so my tale isn't as accurate. PPS, I forwent procedure in this one as I simply did not have the will to stay up til two as I normally do for this fic. So bear with me.**

"Chiron, do you _really_ think me diabolical enough to launch a full scale paintball war, which just happened to have long lasting paint which coincidentally dyed the entire Aphrodite cabin grey? It would have taken a _genius_ to come up with such a plot. Whoever they are, they must be quite amazing."

"Ignoring your self-praise, the only story you've presented me with as an alibi is that of an epic escape from a fortress of pink, flying, fat squirrels. Can you at least _try_ and _act_ like your innocent? Or sorry?

"It's Fat Pink Flying Squirrels, Chiron, in caps. And I was telling the truth! How come no one ever believes me? Like that new kid who didn't think that I had a mutant goldfish. Youngsters these days, so impertinent… wait, where have I heard this line before? No matter. Acorn?"

"Sylviana, I'm warning you…"

"Chiron, I _told_ you, I had absolutely _nothing_ to do with the paintball fight in the forest. And frankly, your lack of trust wounds me. Haven't I proven myself as trustworthy?"

Jason heard these voices approaching, and tensed while reaching for his training sword. Then he caught himself. Paranoia was hard to get rid of after running around the entire blasted country with all manners of things trying to eat/kill him, AND dealing with amnesia. He hadn't had a moment of peace up until this moment, which looked as if it was quickly fading.

"Frankly, no. Also, there seem to be quite an amount of witnesses who said you _organized_ the entire thing. Honestly child, you should learn to stop antagonizing the nymphs."

The two owners of the voices rounded a corner, and he blinked. First there was Chiron, who looked as normal as a centaur could be. It was the person beside Chiron that caught Jason's attention. He knew he should be used to things like this after taking a stroll through Greek fairytales, but…

"I will when those little flower children serve real meat. Plus, how do you know I wasn't framed? The true culprits knew of your UNWARRANTED distrust of me, and fed you false information to get me out of the picture. Honestly Chiron, you should learn to stop blaming me for everything."

She was short, like a pixie. Her golden-blonde hair fell down her back in waves, streaked with faint hints of neon orange, green, and purple splatters. Her eyes were sky blue, and her face tan. She was also wearing a black ninja costume, a rainbow cowboy hat, and waving around a bag of acorns emphatically as she argued with Chiron. She had some contraption around her head that looked as if someone took an eye patch, and replaced the patch with a monocle.

"You have paint in your hair, and all over your arms!"

Her eyes looked rather wild, and she kept glancing around while fiddling with something in the hat. At this point, Jason wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"That's inconclusive evidence! For all you know, I was covered in paint trying to save the celery-dwellers!"

Jason hadn't seen Chiron this exasperated before. The girl, was her name Sylviana? looked like she was trying not to laugh.

"It's beyond me how you even manage to acquire the guns, much less get them into camp." Chiron shook his head. "Well, now I have to go deal with the nymphs _again_. Seeing as that will take quite a bit, I think you should cover Aphrodite archery lessons today."

Sylphie paled. "Chiron, don't say things like that! It was just a bit of fun! You can't do this! I'll die! THEY'LL die! THEY'LL ACCESSCORIZE ME!"

Chiron smirked. "I have _faith_ that you will withhold yourself."

With that, he trotted off. Sylaine gaped at him for a moment, speechless, then shrieked, "CHIRON, YOU CONNIVING OLD PONY!"

Chiron's laughs were clearly audible.

What ever her name was stomped past Jason, then paused, and glared at him. He panicked slightly, hoping she wasn't another girlfriend he'd forgotten. She was, despite her ridiculous outfit, quite scary.

"I bet you're one of those tragic heroes, yea? Athena only knows we don't have enough of _those_. Really, we place much stock by prophecies. They turn out to have some completely convoluted, misleading ending that is great for plot twists, but not so fun for heroes. Or fangirls. Plus, the god of prophesies is REALLY OBNOXIOUS!" She yelled this last part for whatever reason.

"What-" Jason had absolutely no idea of what she was talking about, but could never ask because his bewildered question cut off rather rudely by a particularly loud grumble of from the sky's stomach. **Poor Jason, always so confused. Rather like Percy. And Harry Potter. And- hey, are you noticing a pattern?**

"OH SHUT UP YOU HIPSTER-WANNABE! NEED I REMIND YOU THAT YOU _FORGOT_ I WAS YOUR DAUGHTER UNTIL PERCY TOLD YOU OFF? I SHOULD-" Her mouth snapped shut. Her eyes bugged for a minute (enhanced by the effect of the monocle distorting her eye), then darkened. She glared at Jason, then at the tree behind him, then at the sky, then stalked off swinging her acorn sack rather menacingly.

Jason decided he should find a new place to relax.

_And thus, Sylvie forces Nico to take her to Olympus, finds Hermes (who owes her a favor or two) and gets her jaw unglued. Accordingly, she stomps over to Apollo's temple and tells him exactly how many ways he is a complete failure as a parent, then turns his chariot rainbow (_I'll let the person who guesses what she used to do it chose Sylvie's next exploit. But I really don't think anyone will get it.)_. With a final rattle of her acorns (for emphasis, you see), Sylvie nods and skips away to find Nico sulking in a dark corner. _

**I'm serious guys. That was a complete failure on your part. Sad. I will be so depressed if this story dies. It's one of my favorites (which is why it's the only one still going). *sigh* Feel free to review or**

**_I WILL DELETE THIS ENTIRE STORY AND FLAME YOU ALL! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_**

**Just kidding! :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))**

**Love you so very much!**

_**I hate you.**_

**You are the sparkle in my day!**

_**You abandoned me, you idiotic jerks.**_

**I'd do anything to make you happy, so just ask away!**

_**I dare you to try. Just do it. It'll be amusing... to me, at least.**_

**Have a nice day!**

_**Oh, yes. Enjoy it... while it lasts...**_

**hehehe. Me and my voices, such characters. **


	5. Normality is a Disease

**Sorry for ranting at you earlier. I get emotional when I'm tired. Anyways, as you can see I've broken this up into different moments, cause I liked it better that way. The next one will be regular, and I've already got it planned out so it should be up quickly. Oh yeah, check out the other two PJO stories I've posted. They're not incredibly chaotic and strange, but I'll be devoting some time to Stargazer as it is so you might as well read it.**

"AHHH! THE STICK-PEOPLE ARE COMING FOR ME!"

Half the camp stopped and stared as one Sylviana Langret dashed from the forest. An army of angry-looking nymphs covered in different types of neon paint was in hot pursuit. They looked _very_ angry for peace-loving, vegetarian earth spirits.

Shortly after Sylvie passed out of sight, BOOM! High-pitched shrieks from distance. Grey raining from the sky. Then… was that the Aphrodite cabin? A dark grey layer of paint covered everything, _everything_, inside and outside the cabin. Including the furious campers.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

"-and _that_ is why I named him Billium." Sylvie had just finished describing Bilium (her goldfish) to another self-confident, smug twerp from the Athena cabin.

He was trying to tell her why Billium was impossible. ("I don't _care_ if he's mutant, goldfish can't fly!")

Sylvie didn't like that.

The next day, everyone in the Athena cabin woke up missing eyebrows. Though they searched exhaustively, seeking vengance, the culprit was never found…

_BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

* * *

"Hey, Sylvie, did you-"

"_Shhh!_"

"What're you-"

"_SHHH!_"

"Sylvie, I just need to-"

"SHUT UP, YOU'RE GOING TO REVEAL MY POSITION!"

"Sylvie…_*sigh*_ I know I'm going to regret this, but what are you talking about?"

"The gnomes! They're here, I know it! Now SHHH!"

"Sylvie, why do you think there are gnomes here?"

"_Because_, look around you! What do you see?"

"Well, I see the camp, I see some naiads flirting with Percy, I see some pegasi dumping those new kids in the lake, I see some satyrs running from that dragon we got for the tournament-"

"EXACTLY! Everything here, it's from some Disney movie! Everything! So, don't the gnomes have to be here too?"

"Sylvie, it doesn't work that way."

"How do you know? Are you with them? _ANSWER ME!"_

"Sylvie, now don't make me go get Chiron. He'll be more than happy to have an excuse to get you after that fiasco with the Athena cabin."

"Why does everyone blame me for that? People just laughed when I asked them what in Hades they were going on about! Laughed, I tell you!"

"Sylvie, we know it was you. Now stop."

"_Fine…"_

* * *

Sylvie was merrily strolling through the woods in one of Chiron's special 'Stealth Games'. It was really just Capture the Flag at night, but no one had the heart to tell Chiron this. So she was running distraction, told to "do what she did best" (whatever _that_ meant) and sent off through the middle of enemy territory. It was actually rather fun.

She heard a twig snap behind her. "Wow, cliché much?" she said.

A head popped up from the bushes. "Hey, I'm not- wait, are you… are you _glowing_?"

Sylvie looked down to find that she was indeed glowing. "I suppose I am. I guess that asking the cup for a glow-in-the-dark potion worked after all! Anyways," she swept her hand dramatically, "I suggest that you clear out. Unless you want to see what else I can besides glow?"

The boy behind the bushes paled, but didn't move. "You're bluffing."

Sylvie smirked. "_Am I_? This _is_ my story on random moments, you know. _Something_ needs to happen to you or people will get bored, stop reading, not review, but wait! The author says that's already happening! What kind of people would do that to the poor, sensitive author?"

The poor boy looked incredibly confused, and not a little bit scared. He began backing away as Sylvie continued ranting on the lack of respect towards the unappreciated, hardworking author. He began running, only to fall into a pit of pink pudding and sparkles that came out of nowhere. He thrashed, but he could neither sink nor swim.

"You see," said Sylvie after snapping out of her righteous indignation, "Trivial things such as the laws of physics and nature are irrelevant here. You should have run while I gave you the chance." Thus she skipped away to terrorize more hapless opponents.

Sylvie's team won, obviously.


	6. Why You Don't Get Sylvie Angry

**Yayzez! So, darling readers, I have a question to ask of you. As you might have noticed, this story has drifted from Sylvie's thoughts to what Sylvie does, making the title misleading. I was thinking of changing the title to something like "The Random Days of an ADHD Demigod". As you can see, it's not a huge change, but still... Anyways, this chapter's set in Sea of Monsters, as you've probably gathered, and it was _very_ fun to write. My next one might be about FPFS and Drew... actually, that gives me a great idea. Cheers! *Oh, yeah, this chaptah was written on a new computer, which doesn't have spell check, so tell me if you catch anything.**

Sometimes, Sylvie really enjoyed certain aspects of Camp Halfblood; things like endless soda, her almighty power over the newbies, and the screams of the Aphrodite kids during Capture the Flag.

Right now, however, Sylvie was especially grateful for two things: campfires, and children of Hermes.

Why? Well, it is largely due to the fact they had brought a much-deserved woe to a certain demonic ghost-counselor thing.

You see, Sylvie was normally a very kind person. She only abused people she deemed below her... which was pretty much everyone.

However, if she did care for someone, you did_ not_ screw with that person. At all.

So, when Chiron was blamed for Thalia's tree being poisoned, Sylvie was very, _very_, pissed.

Then, the gods decide to instate some evil, psychotic weirdo who ate children as the overseer of their children's SUMMER CAMP? Next, this guy goes around praising jerks and trying his utmost best to destroy hope, happiness, and not caring the least if they get mauled by the monsters running rampant a half mile outside camp.

Sylvie wasn't going to let this slide.

So, being the diabolical little demon she was, she came up with the most humiliating, annoying, and obnoxious prank she could.

Which brings us back to campfires and children of Hermes.

See, Sylvie had noticed that the campfire was so dim, that no one would roast any marshmallows.

Sylvie didn't want to waste such treats, so she had repurposed them, which is where children of Hermes come in.

Somehow (she didn't ask), they had managed to procure several marshmallow-shooting rifles.

Oh, yes.

It was from these weapons of terror that she spun the rest of her evil plan, which is why she was so grateful for marshmallows (in case you were wondering.

She had a larger plan of course (honestly, she wasn't stupid.), but that didn't mean it wasn't going to be incredibly fun.

This was why, come lunch time Saturday, she and several of Apollo cabin's best archers were perched in sniper positions, locked on to their _dear_ counselor, fully armed. Sylvie had been chosen as one of the cabin snipers, seeing as she coudn't exactly enter the forest without being mauled, and refused point-blank to climb up the climbing wall with a rifle on her back.

She had the best shot, either way.

It was the perfect day for her plan. There was no breeze, and it was blazing hot. With any luck, the marshmallows would get sticky or even start melting. As it was, Tantalus was going to regret leaving his nice place in the Fields of Punishment.

Plus, Mr. D was rather conveniently 'taking a day off'.

The target in question was blissfully unaware of his coming doom; he was glaring at the dining campers whilst attempting to sneak up on his mashed potatoes.

Sylvie smiled.

There was a trill from below; that would be one of the Hermes newbies they used as lackeys giving her the all-clear.

From nowhere, a marshmallow flew through the air and ricocheted about three feet away from Tantalus.

Perfect.

You see, they realized that they wouldn't be able to hit Tantalus, but that didn't mean they couldn't do anything. Sylvie had given this a lot of thought, and had realized that this could work in her favor.

At first, Sylvie had been all for setting Tantalus on fire and seeing how he tried to put it out. However, one of the Apollo kids had hesitantly pointed out that Tantalus couldn't exactly die again, and Mr. D would probably put him out eventually, after which he'd probably skewer them and eat them instead.

So, Sylvie had instead created a tube of marshmallows, toothpicks, and superglue; it had taken an entire day and _a lot_ of toothpicks. It was rather fun, especially when she "accidentally" glued a marshmallow to Malcolm's forehead, then stuck a toothpick in it and declared him a unicorn.

He wasn't very happy.

But annoyed children of Athena aside, Sylvie's plan had unfolded rather spectacularly. She had united the cabins in their hatred of Tantalus, and had held an impromptu meeting during Capture the Flag. The cabins all were _very_ helpful.

She still didn't understand how the Aphrodite kids had gotten so many chocolates...

Anyways, Sylvie lined up shot number two as the little ghoulie was looking around, bewildered. Her next one took the plate right off the table, while another sniper got him from behind.

Pretty soon, the air was full of rocketing marshmallows.

Part two of the attack commenced as the rest of the Apollo cabin flew in with Pegasi, and armed with various (multicolored, just for fun) eggs. The campers had agreed that technically, eggs couldn't be considered food until the were cracked. This was further tested by egging Tantalus from the Strawberry Field.

It had worked.

While Tantalus was rather distracted, the Hephaestus cabin enacted Phase two. They had somehow rigged an invisible cable system throughout camp, which ended up right above Tantalus. Flying along the cable was a tube of marshmallows.

The hook dropped the tube off right on target.

It was one of her better ideas, if she did say so herself.

Tantalus was stumbling around, unable to see but also unable to lift the tube. The Ares cabin was charged with leading him away, which they did with gusto. In a furious assault, they rained Sylvie's own special ammo (marshmallows soaked in paint) down on the ghost. While he was trying to outrun the marshmallows, Demeter, Dionysus, and Aphrodite cabins got to work. They began blanketing the landscape with all the food that they had acquired. Chocolate-Licorice trees, powdered sugar all over the grass, and fruit as far as the eye could see. Dionysus cabin had gone so far as to fill the lake with grape Koolaid.

When Tantalus finally got out of his cage (they weren't sure how he'd do it, but they assumed he'd get around to it eventually), the camp was turned into a gastronomical wonderland.

Last but not least, each and every camper had dressed as gingerbread men. You can imagine what will happen, yes?

So, eventually Tantalus got out. The campers still didn't know how he did it, but he'd stumbled back just in time for them to place their finishing touches. The air now smelled of crisp peppermint, ripe oranges, and whatever other food-related perfume the campers could scrounge up from the depths of the Aphrodite cabin. There were too many for Sylvie's comfort, but she kept her mouth shut for the sake of the mission.

Tantalus's reaction to Phase 3 was rather comical. His mouth fell open, and he nearly lunged forward. However, then his face contorted in anguish, horror, and longing as he stared at the dream before him. He took a step forward hesitantly, then another, then paused and dove to the side at a bush of gumdrops. His face met dirt.

Sylvie was nearly crying from laughing so hard.

He surged back up with a furious purpose, and began chasing the bush all around camp. His path was marked by a large gap in the powdered sugar, and a trail of destruction as the food all leaped out of his way. Tantalus finally turned into the arena.

That was when he spotted Sylvie's gingerbread army. Sylvie had armed each camper with a few eggs each, in the case of him actually nabbing someone. Sylvie herself held an extremely large corn on the cob (which had come from a rather strange man who had told her it was a gift from some group called FPFS in exchange for her silence. Sylvie had gone along with it).

She saluted Tantalus mockingly, then took a bite out of the corn.

Funny; she didn't know that ghosts could achieve that shade of red. In fact, it looked as if he was actually _glowing_ with rage. How intriguing.

Tantalus charged the campers with a demonic grin. They all dove out of his way, though the Ares kids did it rather grudgingly. Running away just didn't sit well with them for some reason.

As Tantalus came around for a second assault, the back gingerbread soldiers began breaking up and drifting into the now Chocolate Strawberry Field. Again Tantalus came round. Some more campers split off. By the next charge, only a few soldiers remained, along with Sylvie.

Tantalus began to charge one more time, but found tripped. Looking down, he saw a small, near invisible wire ensnaring his legs. He looked up, bewildered.

Sylvie smiled, and waved.

Next thing Tantalus knew, he was being dragged by his legs through the Chocolate Strawberry Fields, into a pile of eggs, and finally through the air by a particularly angry looking Pegasus ridden by yet another gingerbread soldier.

When the pegasus stopped, they were over a large expanse of water.

With a smile and a wave, the gingerbread soldier cut the cord that kept him suspended.

Next thing Tantalus knew, he was in a bubble at the depths of the ocean.

It was a very good day for Sylvie.


	7. Why You Never, EVER, Wake Sylvie Up

**Hiya I gotta go really quick so yeah you know what goes here!**

It was a common misconception that _all_ Apollo children, being children of the sun, woke up bright and early with chipper smiles upon their cheery faces.

If you're laughing hysterically right now, you've got the right idea.

You see, when Sylvie joined the Apollo cabin, she had to deal with these... well, let's take a look, hmm?

*Mind-blowing epic flash-in*

_A Week After The Battle of New York_

It was the first day of her tenure with her new _ever-so-lovely_ siblings, and in retrospect Sylvie knew she should have seen this coming. Heck, _they_ should have seen this coming.

They had woken her up at dawn.

_Dawn._

Apparently, (she didn't remember any of this) she had screamed something about bungee-jumping penguins, then had leapt upon the unfortunate soul that was her designated awakener and had beaten him viciously with a corn cob that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

So, the poor boy had run out of the room, screaming.

She had followed, screaming louder (now about new-born bunnies), and they had proceeded to run about camp, waking everyone up until finally she had pinned him against the side of the Aphrodite kid's sickeningly pink cabin with a dagger that hadn't been there before. (Where'd the corn go?)

Now, this part she remembered.

She had come to just as he switched to praying in Ancient Greek, and the sky was growing ominous pretty fast (favoritism much, _Daddy_?), when she had shook her head and noticed her hand which was holding a dagger which was pressed against her half-brothers shaking throat.

She said the first thing that came to her mind.

"You were the one who awoke the slumbering beast, I assume?"

Come on, do you _honestly_ think this was the first time someone had tried to wake her up?

They still hadn't found what had happened to that Hermes kid's...

…

…

…

…

left eyebrow. (Hah! GOTCHA!)

The bloodless face she still had a dagger pressed to nodded gingerly.

Oh, right.

She re-sheathed her dagger and straightened. The kid collapsed.

Oops.

"Alright, buckoes. Anyone, and I mean _anyone_, who wakes me up in anytime less that four hours will most likely be maimed, got me?" Without waiting for the response, she marched to the Apollo cabin.

The door slamming shut rang across camp.

One...two...three...four...

All of a sudden, Apollo campers were streaming out through the windows, door, _everywhere_.

"You know," said a convenient random Hephaestus camper, "You really should have predicted this after what happened last week."

*Mind-bending time change*

*One Week Before*

The campers had sustained heavy casualties. After falling back to the Plaza, every able body had been assigned to help out with the injured... except Sylvie.

You see, she'd somehow managed to knock herself out in the sick bay. No one knew how she did it; just that an Apollo camper had assigned her to keep watch, in she went, and then six campers were healed while she'd collapsed.

Many of the campers had their suspicions as to exactly _what_ had happened in there.

Regardless, Sylvie had been moved to a corner of the lobby while they had some time to regroup...

_CRASH_

… keyword being _had_.

Shouts echoed through the hotel as the some of the campers stumbled out of their rooms, looking very fierce with half their armor on and a dazed expression on their faces..

_ROAR_

_BANG_

The guards could only withstand so much.

The troops were mustering.

_SCREEECH_

By now everyone was outside who could be there, and a furious battle was in the works.

Then, suddenly, "WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY IS GOING ON OUT THERE?" The door to the Plaza Hotel flew open.

There stood Sylvie, somehow already fully armored, and with a crazed glint in her eye.

"OH NO YOU DON'T! THIS IS MY ONLY SLEEP IN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS! AND YOU-

_BOOM_

"-DO-"

A legion of dracaenae went up in smoke... literally. Plumes of orange, green, and red rose through the air. Sylvie hadn't moved.

"-NOT-"

The closest campers could see through the hazy air an arrangement of bomb-like objects on her belt.

"-MESS-"

Sylvie's arm was a blur. Flashes filled the street, accompanied by a cacophony of explosions.

"-WITH-"

Two giants fells, their spears stabbing each other. A group of telekhines somehow, _somehow_, transformed into penguins and waddled away random through the chaos.

"-MY-"

The attackers turned and ran in a disarray (or at least, those who could still run). The ones who stood to fight...

"-SLEEP!"

A bomb, larger than the others, whistled through the air and landed in the center of the enemy forces. A scream like a banshee, and a plume of rainbow smoke were barely registered by the stunned campers shortly before the shock wave sent them to their knees.

Those who could still hear dimly heard the sound of a door slamming.

You don't mess with Sylvie when she's sleeping.


End file.
